voodoo lady

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Posts by voodoo lady

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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

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  voodoo lady

  I recently saw a clip of someone speaking about "coming out of the closet," and her definition of a "closet" was any situation in which one perpetually pretends. She mentioned that the body will inevitably produce cortisol when it's under that kind of stress, and for the first time I realised that indefinite pretending could really damage a person. It was a scary thought, as it's hard to visualise an end point in slow-moving and potentially never-changing situations. At least, within the parameters of current perception, that is.

  One can always find reasons to stay when cognitive dissonance is in effect. Talesin, you gave a hell of an example. It made me think about the rationalisations of the abused being equally applicable in relationships and at the hands of fundamentalist groups.

  I also just remembered Stockholm Syndrome - the sense of being addicted to one's captor. I suspect it may have some overlap with the experience of cognitive dissonance. Can anyone relate to this, whether within the org or within a relationship?
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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

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  voodoo lady

  SIAR2, it sounds exhausting on both fronts. I'm sure there's virtually nowhere you can let your guard down and just say what you feel. Except here.
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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

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  voodoo lady

  I can imagine how often that's heard in JW land. I never had a partner tell me that, but I remember my mother telling me (when I was a very young girl) "I love Jehovah more than you."

  But what I'm really talking about here is wanting to get out of a situation that's ultimately making you unhappy, but staying as long as you can because you don't want to jeopardise other things. You know, the way people are often reluctant to leave a marriage because they don't want their children to be hurt, or because they don't want to lose 50% custody. I can understand why someone would reason this way in the earlier stages of wanting to leave, and it seems not unlike wanting to exit a high-control religious group and being concerned with how many sacrifices you have to make to cut yourself loose.

  But I think that whatever the situation, perpetual pretending really wears a person down.
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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

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  voodoo lady

  I'm sure it does describe many relationships within the org, particularly when allegiance goes to men in Brooklyn at the expense of the person with whom the real relationship is being conducted.

  Stuckinarut2, you put it perfectly when you said: "one knows that the relationship is not right, or is not working, or is not healthy, but is unable to go from being 'mentally out' to being 'physically out' of that relationship".

  I'd be interested to hear experiences both within, and outside of JW-constrained relationships.
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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

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  voodoo lady

  That's precisely what I mean!
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  16

  Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship

  by voodoo lady in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .

  i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.

  the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
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  voodoo lady

  It's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.

  I never really experienced this within org as I exited when I was a teenager. The problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain. It helped me become well-versed in recognising the signs, however.

  Perhaps the feeling I'm trying to describe isn't as much "cognitive dissonance," but more "trying to maintain the status quo, and having a really hard time doing it." They seem related, but perhaps that's just my perception.

  Has anyone else made this comparison with their personal relationships?
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  17

  Blood transfusion refused by parents of a 6 month old!!

  by outforever in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  this was in the paper wednesday - in south africa - durban.

  which is quite surprising as our papers usually do not carry stories like this.. this is a prem baby - now 6 months.

  the dr's had to obtain a high court order to allow the procedure.. the baby had to have a blood transfusion as it could not absorb the mother's milk and supplements cannot be used because of his tiny body.. the parents refused to give their consent and was on life support so the dr submitted to the court that this was an infringement on the.

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  voodoo lady

  It's quite scary to think that any of us who were born into the religion may have met a similar fate at any point during our childhood, presuming our parents practiced strict adherence to JW doctrine.
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  31

  Memorial Attendance: The Single Most Impactful TTATT "Witness" to Family and Friends

  by AMNESIANO in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  anyone who has awakened to ttatt and conscientiously left the organization--especially a once-prominent individual from a prominent multi-generational tribe of jws-- after decades of devout, high-profile "serve-us," who continues to put in an annual appearance at the memorial thoroughly subverts and undermines, by this one act, any hope s/he may entertain that his/her departure will stir family or former friends to question the whole watchtower bamboozle.

  by this one concession s/he assigns him-/herself by every single jw to their handy and dimissive purgatory: the "spiritually-weak.".

  nothing blasts a louder, clearer, and more deliberate message to the jws who personally knew you and those familiar with your jw bona fides that you are not merely "not making the meetings" or "spiritually-weak" but that there is a conscientious reason you have rejected the entire watchtower society life than choosing to forego what they know you know to be their one-and-only holy and sacred event of the year, the lord's evening meal.

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  voodoo lady

  I agree completely.

  When I was a young JW teenager, I would see what I perceived to be the dregs of humanity shuffling into the Kingdom Hall on memorial night and I'd think to myself: "they know this is the right religion but they're too lazy or stupid to do the right thing and actually show up the rest of the time."

  And later, on a similar theme: "Meetings aren't optional! They're not going to be saved on account of being here this one evening." Being dragged by my mother to every meeting without fail, I couldn't bear to think that someone might attain salvation by going to only one organised gathering per year.

  The first point is really the key one, as the attendance of the masses at this event is like validation not only that the occasion has meaning, but that the entire doctrine into which it is woven is the one to which they subscribe.
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  32

  You know your an ex J-Dub when...

  by Batman89 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  finish the sentence.

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  voodoo lady

  You openly purchase hot cross buns
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  53

  I dropped TTATT to some door knockers today

  by TheStumbler in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  two jws came to my door today and i dropped a few truths bombs on them.

  i thought i'd share my account of how the conversation went.. .

  i was in the yard doing some weeding when two gentlemen walked through the gate.

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  voodoo lady

  What an encouraging tale! Thank you for telling it so well. How sheepish those two must have felt after you had finished with them.

  Their circular arguments and standard responses become mind-numbing when trying to get down to particulars, like getting them to answer direct questions. Your reasoning about human reasoning is something they've probably never considered. My JW mother used to insist that the Bible could "interpret itself." I would reply that it's impossible for a book to interpret itself, and that what a book requires is a human brain to read it and therefore make an interpretation. And that humans, being different, have arrived at different interpretations of this text. I also tried the logic that if God created the human brain, wouldn't God want the human brain to be used, like for thinking and such. (No, apparently.)

  I so admire the research you've done and the way you directed that conversation. I especially like the way you referred to a paragraph you allegedly hadn't read yet! They must have been absolutely flummoxed.